Not the Response I Was Looking for, Redux

My marriage is in a bit of a rut.  Nothing inescapable, nothing worrisome, but on track toward problems.  Our evening habit is: put child to bed, turn on television to something neither of us is interested in, put computers on our respective laps to surf social networking sites, and drink cheap wine until one of us decides it is time to go to bed.  Night after night.  Once and a while we get a babysitter and go out, and it is nice.  But also expensive and we don’t have the cash for that kind of event to get us out of our rut.

I suggested to my husband (we’ll call him J) that we need to come up with something we can do together.  A hobby or a sport – used to be golf until he hurt his shoulder and I don’t play well enough to be at the driving range without his encouragement.  (We also played Scrabble, years ago, until I surreptitiously studied a Scrabble book and whipped J’s butt.  I admitted my lying and then we both started reading the book.  By that point, whomever was behind in points would simply quit playing , and that just got stupid.)  J has fishing, which doesn’t interest me, and I have politics, which isn’t much his bag, either (at least, not the organized kind).  Thus, the rut.

“Think of something we can do together,” I told him, figuring if J came up with it, he would be more likely to participate in it.  He agreed.

A week later, J starts out a sentence with a funny grin on his face, like he knows what he is about to say is crazy.

“I thought of something we can do together,” J says.  “How about going to the shooting range?  You can learn to use a shotgun.”

Um, okay.  Not exactly the kind of “together” activity I was thinking of.  Basically, a random activity.  Sort of.

See, J thinks that our society is going to decend into chaos pretty soon, what with the financial crisis, health care crisis and general fear for survival these days.  We have been preparing by stock piling food, batteries, flashlights, etc.  In the event of riots, J would like to have a shot gun.  I would like to NOT have one.  That is the impasse we have been at – no fighting, just a difference of opinion.

Now he wants to take me out to shoot guns.  As a date, apparently.  He’s done it before, says it is fun.  Kind of odd, a bit scary.  But interesting?

What do you think?  Should I take my husband up on his offer, simply because he thought of it – you know, made the effort?  Or should I pass and then make an equally insane suggestion, like going out for a late-night pedicure?

(Why “Redux”?  Because the first version wasn’t exactly family friendly.  I mean, my family.  Same issue though, without the snark.)

UPDATE:  Given the overwhelming response (from 5 people, two from the previous post I deleted), I am going to go for it!  I will write a new post about the experience once I go.  Thanks for the support!


13 responses to “Not the Response I Was Looking for, Redux

  1. It’s fun! Just because you go shooting doesn’t mean you have to suddenly have a house full of guns. Shooting is ridiculously satisfying once you get over the fear of shooting actual ammo.

    Also… have you thought about doing a couples session? I know Pathways has one, it’s 5 days… it might help you get out of the rut and create a deeper level of intimacy. B and I are planning to do it next year.

  2. Go shoot the guns. W makes me want to go out and buy one to protect me from Blackwater after they get sent out into American neighborhoods.

    No joke.

  3. I would do it. Why not? Can’t hurt to learn to shoot, right?

  4. And I just wanted to add that I’m totally anti-NRA and all that stuff but when I watch cops at the shooting range on TV, it looks fun. Good way to take out your frustration! 🙂

  5. You should do it. Sounds to me like your husband is being responsible about it because he wants to protect you and your family and thinks you should know to shoot too so maybe your not scared having it in the house. The first time I shot a gun I never felt so powerful in my life. It’s fun and you will like it I bet.

  6. I’d say try his activity, if only so that it’ll then be your turn to insist upon some seemingly random thing for you both to do. If you want something that’ll truly test your marriage, plan to paint a room or two over the post-Christmas / New Years days off. Or assemble a large piece of flat-packed furniture. Oh yeah, that’s a bonding activity!

    • That is hilarious! You’ll never guess what we are planning to do once our child is back in school…paint her room! We just bought the paint, too. And yes, we definitely have issues with home decoration. The paint guy at Lowes made jokes about J just saying, “Yes, dear,” but that simply does not happen with regard to our home. Wish it did, though! Thanks for the feedback.

  7. I found this post a little late…through Twitter.

    I would definitely do something like this with my husband! We have been reading some of those “survivalist” type books, and we both are of the mind that we do need to be more prepared, no matter what it is that happens. Currently we live in a small apartment, so stockpiling isn’t exactly much of an option. In one of the books, we read about neighborhoods using their front and back yards to plant “crops” for food. Um, that’s not much of an option either. We have a little greenbelt, and that sure wouldn’t feed many for long!

    Using a gun? I want to learn. If it ever comes to me defending and protecting my kids, I want to be able to do it without blowing it. One of these days we WILL get out to the shooting range. Papa Bear (hubby) has about 4 handguns, and a rifle, so I’ll eventually learn to shoot, clean, and take care of them all.

    I hope your efforts go well.

    Happy New Year!

    Angie (aka ChattyMamaBear on Twitter)

    • Thanks for finding me! No worries about sending a reply to an older post. I like what you had to say. We live in a house that we can’t even fit into (a rental) so we have the room to hoard. Right now we have a very sturdy plastic box holding some supplies but we need more. I don’t think it hurts to be prepared. J was in a major earthquake in So. Cal. years ago – he knows how quickly things like this can hit.

      Haven’t been to the range yet, but will try to set up soon so I can blog about it!

  8. I just found this blog too from following you on twitter (@SOML) – my best friend is going through this EXACT situation. AND her husband is a clone of yours (are you sure you’re not her?) He bought an air gun and wants to take up shooting – with the other reason being that he too thinks the world is descending into chaos 🙂 how funny! BTW she didn’t go (yet) and is still looking for things they can both do together that they enjoy…. so far no luck

    • To: Antje

      That is so crazy! I told my husband that I would go to the range but he hasn’t arranged it yet. Right now we have pulled waaaaaay back on drinking in the evenings and also started a new diet (both trying to slim down) so that has brought us together. And we aren’t as tired at night so we are working on our projects. I hadn’t anticipated that altering our lifestyle would bring us together like this, but it has.

      I hope your friend finds a way to connect with her husband. Sometimes it is in the places we aren’t looking, I guess.

      Thanks for reading and responding on my blog.

  9. I guess he’s gone to the range several times but finds a lot of, erm, well, odd people there (which is why she hasn’t gone) 🙂

    I hope your projects are fun ones.

    I like anything with the word memoir in it, but especially delightfully happy when the writing is very good like this blog!